May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
