Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
