He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
