did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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