mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
