He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
