She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
