She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
