I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
