P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fuck appropriateness.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize