sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
