He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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