dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize