maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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