I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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