I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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