i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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