He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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