i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
