My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
