It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize