We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize