how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize