ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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