just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Even my vagina gasped.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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