Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she woke up with a sticky ear
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
