i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
