I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
