I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
