That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
