if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
