Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize