I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
