Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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