And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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