I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
