how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
