Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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