do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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