Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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