btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
