Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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