HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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