I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
