oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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