I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
