I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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