I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
