Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
