im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
