dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize