So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
