My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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