he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
