So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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