I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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