Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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