Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
