If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
