can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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