How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
