im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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