sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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