In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
