I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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