he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
