In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
soo... how was my night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
