he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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