I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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