It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
