He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
